Jim stared a moment longer at the computer screen, then sat back and rubbed his eyes.
‘Ben, do you want anything? I need a break.’
‘I wouldn’t say no to a couple glazed, Jim. Thanks.’
‘Alright.’
Jim made his way out of his cubicle, heading toward the coffee table and thinking.
I haven’t been able to focus on much of anything today.
The smallest noise seemed to distract him lately. It had been growing all week, and today he could scarcely think straight.
Jim sighed. It was time to rectify the situation.
I’ll call Janet at lunch. She’s been wanting to go back since the moment we left.
‘Here you go, Ben. Enjoy.’
‘Just what I needed. Thanks, Jim.’
‘No problem.’
I hope we don’t have a disease or something. Barely a week past and it’s all either of us can think about.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The bell jingled as the door opened.
‘Is that new?’ Jim wondered idly.
‘It wasn’t here last week,’ Janet replied.
They walked toward the front desk.
Rudy smiled brightly. ‘Welcome back to the Word Club, sir, madam. Would you like anything before you begin?’
‘I think we’re ready as is, Rudy. Thanks all the same, though.’
‘In that case, I will direct your attention to the large vault door set in the right hand wall just down the hallway behind me.’
‘A vault door, Rudy?’
‘Yes sir. Do you see it there?’
‘I do see it, yes.’
‘As with all things in this world we live in, the Word Club is in a state of constant change. Thus, the method of entering the inner world of the Word Club is also one of constant change.’
Jim and Janet both nodded.
‘I understand.’
‘That makes sense, Rudy.’
‘In order for you to enter the inner Word Club on your visit today, you will require both the practical application of the intellect you possess, and the unrestrained allowance of your intuition. It is these tools that allow true creativity to flow. Are you ready?’
‘Yes,’ they said together.
‘Then I will ask you to approach that vault door.’
Jim and Janet walked up to the doorframe.
‘And now it is up to you to find your way through it.’
They looked into each others eyes for a moment, and then smiled. Janet put her ear and her hand to the vault door. Jim began to turn the dial slowly.
‘Keep going, keep going…stop! Now back the other way, slowly… stop! Now to the right again…there!’ Janet paused, as though puzzled. ‘This has to be the strangest vault system ever made. I think we need to push the dial in.’
Jim shrugged. He pushed on the dial, and it began to recede into the door. Jim kept pushing, until there was a faint click, and then a great whoosh as the door swung inward away from them, into the inner Word Club.
For a moment both Janet and Jim simply stood in the doorway, breathing in the freshness of the air, their hearts becoming light with relief.
‘That was the longest week of my life, I think,’ Jim said, almost gasping the words.
‘I told you we needed to come back,’ Janet smiled.
‘You were right. I can breathe freely again.’
‘We can breathe freely again,’
‘Yes, we.’
Jim gently took her face in his hands. ‘Yes,’ he repeated. ‘You have freed us again, dear lady. For so great a gift, I thank you.’
After a moment Janet gently ended the kiss. ‘Come, my love. Let us explore this wondrous world once more!’
And so they lost themselves in the glorious wild. Together they ran through endless fields, climbed the highest mountains, braved the thickest jungles, and swam the deepest rivers. Jim defended Janet from the wild animals that roamed the land. He learned to fight the bear, the wolf, and the mountain lion. Janet learned the lore of the plants, the grass and the trees, for at times Jim lay close to death after his battles, and Janet spent many days in nursing her fallen warrior back to health.
In their wanderings, they saw exotic creatures, strange beasts, and beautiful birds. It was a world filled with colors and tastes and smells that were new to them, and they eagerly immersed themselves in it.
They began to see other humans, far in the distance and out of earshot. Jim was certain they were seen, though they were not approached. But one day they came to a new change. Janet sensed it in the air when she awoke, and quickly she went to Jim and shook him. Jim opened his eyes.
‘What is it, my lady?’
‘My love, warriors approach. I feel their anger and desire for battle. They come for you.’
‘I will defend you, lady, as I have done before.’
‘They wish you to fight for them, not against them.’
Jim could see them now, sixty warriors cresting a near hill to the south. Within his heart, he felt the desire to fight. Jim looked in Janet’s hazel eyes. ‘I do not wish to leave you, my lady. Bid me stay and I will stay.’
Janet shook her head. ‘It is not for me to stay you, my love. I bid you go. I will be near.’
‘How can I go, lady, when my heart lies with you?’
‘I will always be near. It is in you to fight. Fight, but fight for love. Fight for love, and you will be stronger, and swifter, your energy greater, your battle-heart fiercer. Be strong, my love.’
Insistently, honey lips pressed against his own. Then Janet seemed to fade. The trees began to appear through her skin; Jim could see the faint outlines of the leaves behind her, the grass through the skin of her ankles, the long-stemmed flowers swaying gently in the breeze. First they were merely hints, and then strong outlines, and finally her body was all but gone, all but her eyes, still staring into his own. For a moment they gazed, then they, too, were gone as the war band began their ascent up the hill. They halted at the crest. Only the war chieftain walked further, and came within ten feet of where Jim stood.
He looked at Jim warily for a moment, then spoke. ‘We need your help, wild one. Our enemy will long be at our hearth-doors this season. You will be one with us. One in name, one in heart, one in anger, one in spirit, one in strength, one in power, one in war. Fight with us!’
‘I will fight with you.’
Comments 2
Here we go on Part Deux:
-Ben says “Oh boy.” This is a problem for me. Also, the rest of the sentence works just fine without it.
-No need for Jim/Janet to do more than nod after Rudy’s explanation of the door. Often with dialogue, less is more.
-Good, a much more vivid description of the door opening. Well done.
-And suddenly, Jim starts talking like a fairy tale knight? This requires some explanation within the story, methinks.
-Janet ends the kiss, but the kiss’s beginning is only implied by Jim’s hands. While sometimes steps in the action can be left out, this is not generally the case where the action is blatantly mentioned as ending.
-As a girl, I’m going to come out and say that thus far, I find Janet a bit lacking. She’s still rather flat for a main character, and in a world where anything they can imagine becomes possible, she needs *Jim* to save her from wild animals? And she’ll heal him afterwards? I’m not saying she needs to be superwoman or anything, but Jim doesn’t seem like much of a superman either. I’d say that maybe his creativity is just more expansive then hers, but then, why would he get hurt in the first place?
-This description of the land becomes a lot of telling, not much showing (like those darn teachers always hounded us about). When you do a wide scale description like this, covering a ton of time at once, you’re reader generally has a fair idea of what’s happening within the story. For example: how do they manipulate the world around them? What are they trying to accomplish?
-Why does Janet seem to know what’s going on with the warriors before Jim does? And why does she know their purpose and he doesn’t?
-And then we hit the end and it’s like a totally different story. We do, however, get the hint that perhaps, we’ll soon get our answers as to the purpose of Jim/Janet being there.
-Wonderful description of Janet fading away.
Final Thoughts:
Posted 02 Mar 2010 at 7:32 pm ¶-So clearly, us readers are left with a lot of questions after this second installment (or maybe just me reader). When drafting a piece, I know that I often hammer through sections of mostly dialogue to move the story along while I try to figure out where the heck I’m going with it, and how to get there. Something similar seems to be happening here in pt 2, or at least that’s the feel I get.
-What I think needs to happen is that the purpose be more defined, or rather, shown earlier in the piece. You don’t want your reader to become overly confused.
-You’ve got the elements: excellent setting, good handle on dialogue (although the sudden unexplained switch to fairy tale talk still threw me a bit), intriguing premise; but I’d like to see more characterization, and more vivid descriptions (by which I mean you need *more* descriptions, because you paint a pretty darn good picture when you pause long enough to let it form).
This is some much needed feedback. I realize it took me a while to get back. So, here it is.
- You are right about the ‘Oh boy.’
- I thought about something simpler, such as a nod, after Rudy’s door explanation. This may sound somewhat odd, but it didn’t feel right to make the change.
-You are right about Janet being somewhat lacking. I will go further and say she lacks a great deal. Part three will develop her character to a greater degree, as well as clear up the idea of superman- healing woman in a world with no supposed limits. I am going someplace with this; where I’m going will become clear step by step.
- About the way both Jim and Janet change the way they speak: The idea I’m trying to get across is that the Word Club changes people- sometimes rapidly. I am planning on part three going into detail about the reason for that, while moving the story along and still clearing up the whole purpose issue.
- One of the purposes for writing The Word Club is, as you mentioned, to create a limitless world. This world is for the characters, true, but also for me the writer. I notice as I try to steer the creative ship in too controlling a fashion, I can no longer write. I must allow myself to be creative while still steering- a technique which I have yet to master.
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Posted 05 Mar 2010 at 1:26 pm ¶Post a Comment