Comments on: The Word Club 2 http://www.25hourwatch.com/2010/02/24/the-word-club-2/ Not all that useful for telling time, no... Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:41:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: AC http://www.25hourwatch.com/2010/02/24/the-word-club-2/comment-page-1/#comment-205 AC Fri, 05 Mar 2010 20:26:23 +0000 http://www.25hourwatch.com/?p=760#comment-205 This is some much needed feedback. I realize it took me a while to get back. So, here it is. - You are right about the 'Oh boy.' - I thought about something simpler, such as a nod, after Rudy's door explanation. This may sound somewhat odd, but it didn't feel right to make the change. -You are right about Janet being somewhat lacking. I will go further and say she lacks a great deal. Part three will develop her character to a greater degree, as well as clear up the idea of superman- healing woman in a world with no supposed limits. I am going someplace with this; where I'm going will become clear step by step. - About the way both Jim and Janet change the way they speak: The idea I'm trying to get across is that the Word Club changes people- sometimes rapidly. I am planning on part three going into detail about the reason for that, while moving the story along and still clearing up the whole purpose issue. - One of the purposes for writing The Word Club is, as you mentioned, to create a limitless world. This world is for the characters, true, but also for me the writer. I notice as I try to steer the creative ship in too controlling a fashion, I can no longer write. I must allow myself to be creative while still steering- a technique which I have yet to master. [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us '0 which is not a hashcash value. This is some much needed feedback. I realize it took me a while to get back. So, here it is.
- You are right about the ‘Oh boy.’
- I thought about something simpler, such as a nod, after Rudy’s door explanation. This may sound somewhat odd, but it didn’t feel right to make the change.
-You are right about Janet being somewhat lacking. I will go further and say she lacks a great deal. Part three will develop her character to a greater degree, as well as clear up the idea of superman- healing woman in a world with no supposed limits. I am going someplace with this; where I’m going will become clear step by step.
- About the way both Jim and Janet change the way they speak: The idea I’m trying to get across is that the Word Club changes people- sometimes rapidly. I am planning on part three going into detail about the reason for that, while moving the story along and still clearing up the whole purpose issue.
- One of the purposes for writing The Word Club is, as you mentioned, to create a limitless world. This world is for the characters, true, but also for me the writer. I notice as I try to steer the creative ship in too controlling a fashion, I can no longer write. I must allow myself to be creative while still steering- a technique which I have yet to master.

[WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ’0 which is not a hashcash value.

]]> By: Bridget http://www.25hourwatch.com/2010/02/24/the-word-club-2/comment-page-1/#comment-189 Bridget Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:32:17 +0000 http://www.25hourwatch.com/?p=760#comment-189 Here we go on Part Deux: -Ben says “Oh boy.” This is a problem for me. Also, the rest of the sentence works just fine without it. -No need for Jim/Janet to do more than nod after Rudy’s explanation of the door. Often with dialogue, less is more. -Good, a much more vivid description of the door opening. Well done. -And suddenly, Jim starts talking like a fairy tale knight? This requires some explanation within the story, methinks. -Janet ends the kiss, but the kiss’s beginning is only implied by Jim’s hands. While sometimes steps in the action can be left out, this is not generally the case where the action is blatantly mentioned as ending. -As a girl, I’m going to come out and say that thus far, I find Janet a bit lacking. She’s still rather flat for a main character, and in a world where anything they can imagine becomes possible, she needs *Jim* to save her from wild animals? And she’ll heal him afterwards? I’m not saying she needs to be superwoman or anything, but Jim doesn’t seem like much of a superman either. I’d say that maybe his creativity is just more expansive then hers, but then, why would he get hurt in the first place? -This description of the land becomes a lot of telling, not much showing (like those darn teachers always hounded us about). When you do a wide scale description like this, covering a ton of time at once, you’re reader generally has a fair idea of what’s happening within the story. For example: how do they manipulate the world around them? What are they trying to accomplish? -Why does Janet seem to know what’s going on with the warriors before Jim does? And why does she know their purpose and he doesn’t? -And then we hit the end and it’s like a totally different story. We do, however, get the hint that perhaps, we’ll soon get our answers as to the purpose of Jim/Janet being there. -Wonderful description of Janet fading away. Final Thoughts: -So clearly, us readers are left with a lot of questions after this second installment (or maybe just me reader). When drafting a piece, I know that I often hammer through sections of mostly dialogue to move the story along while I try to figure out where the heck I’m going with it, and how to get there. Something similar seems to be happening here in pt 2, or at least that’s the feel I get. -What I think needs to happen is that the purpose be more defined, or rather, shown earlier in the piece. You don’t want your reader to become overly confused. -You’ve got the elements: excellent setting, good handle on dialogue (although the sudden unexplained switch to fairy tale talk still threw me a bit), intriguing premise; but I’d like to see more characterization, and more vivid descriptions (by which I mean you need *more* descriptions, because you paint a pretty darn good picture when you pause long enough to let it form). Here we go on Part Deux:
-Ben says “Oh boy.” This is a problem for me. Also, the rest of the sentence works just fine without it.
-No need for Jim/Janet to do more than nod after Rudy’s explanation of the door. Often with dialogue, less is more.
-Good, a much more vivid description of the door opening. Well done.
-And suddenly, Jim starts talking like a fairy tale knight? This requires some explanation within the story, methinks.
-Janet ends the kiss, but the kiss’s beginning is only implied by Jim’s hands. While sometimes steps in the action can be left out, this is not generally the case where the action is blatantly mentioned as ending.
-As a girl, I’m going to come out and say that thus far, I find Janet a bit lacking. She’s still rather flat for a main character, and in a world where anything they can imagine becomes possible, she needs *Jim* to save her from wild animals? And she’ll heal him afterwards? I’m not saying she needs to be superwoman or anything, but Jim doesn’t seem like much of a superman either. I’d say that maybe his creativity is just more expansive then hers, but then, why would he get hurt in the first place?
-This description of the land becomes a lot of telling, not much showing (like those darn teachers always hounded us about). When you do a wide scale description like this, covering a ton of time at once, you’re reader generally has a fair idea of what’s happening within the story. For example: how do they manipulate the world around them? What are they trying to accomplish?
-Why does Janet seem to know what’s going on with the warriors before Jim does? And why does she know their purpose and he doesn’t?
-And then we hit the end and it’s like a totally different story. We do, however, get the hint that perhaps, we’ll soon get our answers as to the purpose of Jim/Janet being there.
-Wonderful description of Janet fading away.

Final Thoughts:
-So clearly, us readers are left with a lot of questions after this second installment (or maybe just me reader). When drafting a piece, I know that I often hammer through sections of mostly dialogue to move the story along while I try to figure out where the heck I’m going with it, and how to get there. Something similar seems to be happening here in pt 2, or at least that’s the feel I get.
-What I think needs to happen is that the purpose be more defined, or rather, shown earlier in the piece. You don’t want your reader to become overly confused.
-You’ve got the elements: excellent setting, good handle on dialogue (although the sudden unexplained switch to fairy tale talk still threw me a bit), intriguing premise; but I’d like to see more characterization, and more vivid descriptions (by which I mean you need *more* descriptions, because you paint a pretty darn good picture when you pause long enough to let it form).

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