Section 1
P1: Try: “A quarter-eaten sandwich lay on the desk in the corner, its triangle cut remains tinged blue by halogen lights.” (In the original sentence, too many “the”s, wrong form of “lie”, unnecessary “ing”s.) “was not expecting” could become “did not expect” to keep the tense active. Not sure if “medical examiner” needs capitalization in this instance, but could be.
P2: Should be “pushed”. Also, I’ve checked on it: white body bags are becoming increasingly popular, so that’s fine. “Glided”. Suggestion: “Appetite on the wane.”
P3: “pale face studying the M.E.”—it says “looking silently” and then immediately, he begins to talk.
P4: “ ‘Don’t you mean, ‘whoever’?’” is stated twice.
P5: The EMT’s face is already described as pale. Pick something new for the second go round. I’ll continue my piece on the silence/immediate talky thing: How about he falls momentarily silent? Give the silence a time limit, and you clear the problem up.
P6: “the room” stated twice in the same sentence. On occasion, phrases and words can be repeated; here, however, it sounds awkward. “sides”. “rigor mortis-bound bag” sounds better to me.
P7: I don’t particularly like the feel of that final sentence as a fragment, but it does heighten the drama.
Overall: Good details worked in, encompassing touch, sight, and sound (pleeeease don’t ever go into taste here in this section, or I might throw up).

Section 2
P1: Substitute “too” for “overly”? Maybe eliminate the “The” in front of “Rules and traditions.”
P2: “Number instead of “amount”?
P3: “arraigned”? I assume you meant “arranged”, since I doubt the coffins are accused of a crime here. I’d make that last line its own paragraph. It’s too awesome for anything less.

Section 3
P1: “spewed”. Like the image of David crossing the lawn. But is that final question really a question? It feels more like a statement to me.
P2: “Stood beside”. You used “next to” a few paragraphs earlier, and its nice to mix things up.
P3: I’m not sure if “knowing look” is the appropriate action here. Perhaps “probing/inquiring” or something completely different?
P5: “It’s me”…but why would that matter to a police officer? Do they know each other at all outside of the whole “domestic streaker” thing? If so, at this point in the story, the reader should probably know about it.
P8: “Were no other” not “was”. And evidence of what?
P9: Maybe a different word than “stuck”. Stark/pronounced? Side note: Eric assumes David walked to church? Doesn’t necessarily need to be addressed, but think on it.

Section 4
P1: “Ever” not “even”. Yep, *totally* by coincidence. This monster-thing seems really out to get mean and unhappy characters.
P2: The town is all downhill from his stool…I kind of like that image.
P5: Excellent section with attention to detail.
P7: Add a “the” in front of “few”; it sounds a bit off as it stands.
P9: He wants to *hit* it?! Without knowing what it is? Grrr…Go beast go!
P10: “Brick to brick from left to right”—nice.
P12: Intriguing. No clear idea what’s going on here, but that, I think, is how it should be.

Section 5
P1: Connect the two sentences with a comma.
P3: Size wasn’t an indication on who was who? Also there are two “into”s in that last sentence.
P4: Good accompanying action with the dialogue.
P7: Wait, what?! Creepy creepy creepy.
P8: Nifty bit of personification. And that last bit of dialogue? Wonderful. Totally awesome reaction.

Final Comments:
-Yes, there is a time and a place for “ing” verbs. Sometimes they really help a sentence out. But you should still work on watching these. The beginning section carried the brunt of these, and got much better at the end.
-Thus far, Eric is my favorite character. Not sure why yet. David, however, has grown on me after that “lovely” comment.
-So…what the heck exploded from Mrs. Gibbon’s head? Because I really really want to know.