I really should have worn a different set of shorts. Maybe the white ones with the swoosh down by the left knee. These three-striped black and red ones are so much heavier; what was I thinking when I bought extra large?
My feet are pounding away on the pavement out in front of my apartment, and traffic cruises by as if I’m standing still. I’m not sure how my legs recovered so quickly from the grueling demands I made of
them during yesterdays workout at the gym, but they’re performing quite nicely as I take on a moderate hill.
In through the nose, out by the mouth. Steady.
Muse is powering into my left and right ear and my little MP3 player is clipped to my oversized shorts; I love this song, it always puts me in a place where I don’t feel a thing…I’m just running.
Right, left, right, left — find a rhythm and breathe.
The incline has turned into descent and my strides have grown a little longer. I love the way the sun feels beaming down against my face and arms; the way my hair feels beneath the ultraviolet rays. The athletic response I’m getting from my legs is invigorating, but I have to remember to maintain my pace for fear of giving too much too soon, then bonking half way through.
Two steps – breathe in, three steps – breathe out. Repeat.
Halfway up the second major hill of three, my lungs are starting to feel a familiar burn; my legs are asking me for reprieve. The cool, calm breaths I was taking just moments before have ceased, but I’ve no choice but to keep moving…
Right then left, right then left.
Burning, but not burnt out, I’m moving into the grass — maybe that will help my body feel better about what’s happening right now. Nope. Somehow it’s only made the strides softer and harder to turn over. I’m trying to slow down a bit, to recover my posture and my form. I think it’s working, but my body is feeling the chaotic expanse of the longest hill on my run…but I’m almost there…I can’t stop now.
I’ve done this before, and I can do it again. Focus on the sidewalk lines and follow them up the hill. Stride and breathe…
Approaching the homestretch intersection, how is it that stoplight always works against me? Usually red when I’m on the way to work, somehow always green when I’m dying to catch my breath? Oh well, I’m not stopping, and from the look of it, I’d better speed it up; the little man white man is about to go away.
Quick twitch, sprint, focus, breathe, repeat…
My eyes fix on the goal, my body pulls my legs, the music once again, powers my ascent…I’m nearly home and I can feel my speed take on. Rounding the final turn, searching for the familiar spot where I end all my runs, I focus and I pull. I stretch and I stride, reaching out my legs for the glorious slab of sidewalk where I will finally rest.
And suddenly it’s over.
The achy legs, the inner voice begging me to stop, even the music — it’s over. See? It really wasn’t all that bad! Except for the decision to wear these massive shorts!
I really wanted to get something fresh on-site…this was sort of fast, but I was trying to use a lot of “ing” words, to make it seem like it was all happeneing right now. I probably messed some of that up though…I think I like writing in that voice most. How can I make it better?
Comments 2
I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record: but I like it. I like the shorts humor, and the details. It’s simple but effective.
As for the ing words, I think you dealt with them nicely. Don’t get too carried away though, you can always use descriptive details (on setting, etc) to put the story in the “now” as well.
Posted 26 Apr 2010 at 10:52 am ¶P2: Apostrophe in “yesterday’s”
P6: Comma instead of semicolon in that second sentence. “Bonking halfway through”—love that.
P8: Comma instead of semicolon in that first sentence and I’d delete “me”, maybe use a stronger verb like “begging”?
P12: Truth. And great description of the walk signal, by the way. Colon instead of semicolon on that last sentence and the second comma is unnecessary.
P14: Delete “once again”; it adds nothing and makes the sentence structure look odd.
P16: Exclamation point! No seriously, that’s what I mentally read inside my head whenever I see a punctuation mark: ‘It really wasn’t all that bad. Exclamation point!’ I’d limit the ending to one exclamation point only, probably keeping the first and ditching the second.
Overall Comments:
Posted 27 Apr 2010 at 10:37 am ¶-In this tense, the constant “ing-ing” works just fine.
-I like how you keep the run rhythm going with the repetition of footfalls and inhalations/exhalations.
-If you’re going to work this piece over, I suggest adding more description on the location. Right now, we’ve got sidewalk, an intersection, hills, and not much else. It’s bare bones and could use some filling out. Not that *I* typically notice a lot of what’s going on around me when I’m running, but the oddest things jump out and I tend to have at least a general impression of the land/cityscape.
-Shorts at the beginning, shorts at the end, but no mention of their annoyingness in the middle. Since the piece is titled “Running Shorts” and the shorts tie the whole thing together, this is a problem.
-Oh, also? Loved the piece.
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