Comments on: “Illusion” http://www.25hourwatch.com/2010/05/15/illusion/ Not all that useful for telling time, no... Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:41:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Bryan http://www.25hourwatch.com/2010/05/15/illusion/comment-page-1/#comment-346 Bryan Wed, 19 May 2010 18:44:04 +0000 http://www.25hourwatch.com/?p=1207#comment-346 Your descriptions are immaculate. From the moment the reader enters the Marriott to the end in a silver Mercedes, every scene setting moment is vivid. Your words flow nicely together, and I really think this story has an audience 'out there', in the non-25hour world. Your characters are well written, and most of all, Jacy is real...easily imagined...I as the reader can hear her in your text. Overall, this is very good. Great setting, the story continues to build momentum and twists nicely (Krimmer). I guess the only thing I can suggest, and this is just my thing, but let the reader use their senses more. How does the champagne taste? How does the murmur of the crowd sound? etc... Loved this chapter, Bridget! Your descriptions are immaculate. From the moment the reader enters the Marriott to the end in a silver Mercedes, every scene setting moment is vivid.

Your words flow nicely together, and I really think this story has an audience ‘out there’, in the non-25hour world. Your characters are well written, and most of all, Jacy is real…easily imagined…I as the reader can hear her in your text.

Overall, this is very good. Great setting, the story continues to build momentum and twists nicely (Krimmer). I guess the only thing I can suggest, and this is just my thing, but let the reader use their senses more. How does the champagne taste? How does the murmur of the crowd sound? etc…

Loved this chapter, Bridget!

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